20 Things I Would Tell My 18 Year Old Self // Life Lessons.

As you start getting older and looking back into distant memories of your youth, it becomes a lot clearer on what you wish you had or hadn't done. 

I like to believe that you shouldn't have any regrets in life, but unfortunately most of us do. 

When I look back to when I was in high school and even college I cringe to the point of sweating about the things I used to wear, what I looked like and things I used to get up to. 

That being said I laugh a lot more at those things because that was who I was at that point in my life. 

Oh I do love memories. 

I remember in high school I used to wear my hair constantly in a bun where I would use butterfly clips to spike the ends of my bun out *covers eyes*. And when I wasn't doing that I was running through the school corridors singing my head off to Shakira's 'Whenever, Wherever', forging my parent's signatures on a get out of jail PE note or secretly eyeing my crush up across the yonder. Ha. 

College, held the best times for me. I LOVED it so much! That's when I got my first proper boyfriend, fell in love, had sex for the first time (yes, I was 18, I was no hoe), made some amazing friends, skipped lessons, played football with the lads, had chicken wrap's without the wrap (don't ask). Bought and ate so many Woolworths Pick N Mix's until the point of vom, getting drunk and being scared of the 'evil doll', college bashes (always eventful), eyeing up a lot more hot guys (FitBen), singing Fleetwood Mac in 'the room' and re-creating Little Britain with McBri. There was so much laughter it's unreal. The list is gigantic. 

Photo quality is shocking this was like 10 years ago. Ouch. 

Looking back to 10 years ago, what would I tell myself from what I know now? 

A hella lot of things I'll tell you that for free!! 

If my 18 year old self was sat in front of my pale face right this second this is what I would tell Leya 'McMouth' Hutton. 

1. Have faith in yourself, you're one of the brighter crayons in that Crayola box and never forget that. Don't let others put you down. Those human's are called bullies. 

2. Don't be in a hurry to grow up and be an adult, adult life is hard. Doing homework and worrying what you're going to wear to the next school disco is a drop in the very big ocean compared to adulthood. Treasure it whilst you can. Dance in the rain, play in the mud and stay young. 

3. Boys are not the be all and end all. Yep, you're going to get your heart broken, you're going to get rejected and that's by the guy that you thought was "the one". He isn't, you're going to one day fall in love with the guy you're meant to be with. Go with the flow because fate takes you to a million different places. I am still trying to deal with this now, I have been single for almost 7 years and the rate I am going my baby is going to come from a test tube. I didn't think that was ever going to happen. FML. 

4. Face your fears, do the things that scare you most. I never did that in regards to getting on an aeroplane and now I am going to have to be highly drunk or drugged up to go to a different freaking country. Yeah thanks for that.

5. Stop over thinking. I constantly over think EVERYTHING and it's annoying as hell. Just listen to me 18 year old self, over thinking leads you to the point of no return. DON'T DO IT. 

6. Don't stress over people that really don't matter to you! I get infuriated with some things I see, read and hear to the point I can feel my blood boiling. *Just think of my blood in a pan on the highest heat... Not simmering... More like popping away like a volcano.* - Get the idea? It's a no no. They don't deserve your time, just forget about it and move on, even if you do want to smack them in the throat! :) 

7. Haters are going to hate. I care about what people think of me and I really wish I didn't. I do now though get to the point where you either take me as I am or watch me as I go. Not everyone is going to like what you wear, how you speak, what you look like. Deal with it because you will have bigger fish to fry let me tell you. Keyboard warriors and basic bitches... Nobody got time for that!

8. Take risks. I am now doing it in later life (okay I am only 28 but still the time is ticking, the leaves are falling, the ships are sailing. "You get the drift") and it's not frickin easy. If you are offered things... "TAKE THEM". This goes back to points 1 & 4. 

9. Accept compliments. I am so bad at taking compliments it's unreal, having self doubt is draining. Someone compliments you, accept it and when you're having a bad day, pull that bad boy out of your pocket and love yourself. Be you, be free!! 

10. Listen to your parents advice. Every kid will always hear those dreaded and damn right monotonous words "you will regret it, mark my words. Don't make the same mistakes as I did". When you are 18 those words mean nothing to you, you want to experience everything. Make those mistakes. Fine. Just don't be a dick and disregard everything that has been said to you because 9/10 they are correct in their advice. I have learnt the hard way a few times. 

11. Embrace your smaller boobs. The boob job idea was never a fool proof plan, especially as now I love the fact they are smaller. I can wear pretty much anything without having to worrying about nip slip. 

 12. University isn't all that. For me it was a waste of time. I have some amazing memories but those memories won't get you your dream job, neither does your degree.

13. Get that brace. I now have a slight over bite through sucking my thumb and I HATE it. I cannot be pouting in my wedding photo's. Get me those Invisalign's pronto. 

14.  You're cool, people are going to copy you! My pet peeve is people copying me. I am original but not ordinary. Anything but ordinary in fact and I have the tattoo to prove it ;). 18 year old self, embrace it because lets face it, those who have no imagination feed from your creativity. See it as you're helping those in need! Ha. 

15. Cry less, nobody deserves your tears, especially boys and needless haters. 

16.  You don't have to do what everyone else is doing. Marrige, kids and a home before you're 21, that's not for everyone at that point in their lives. If I had a pound for every time I have heard someone say to me "shouldn't you have a boyfriend/kids by now?" I would be super rich. Don't tell me what to do. I will do it all in my own time when it's right for ME! 

17. Stop trying to plan everything out. Life doesn't work that way most of the time. Things happen for a reason and I am a strong believer in that. You plan most of your life out, it's never going to work. Nothing ever goes to plan... Well apart from the fact you will have a shitty period every month. Unless you're pregnant that is, and I for one am not. 

18.  It's not the end of the world. "Nobody died". Dust your pretty self off and try again. 

19. Practice saying "no" more. The amount of times I have done things to please others is endless. Sometimes you need to do things for you and you only. Put yourself first. 

20. Trust your gut instinct. It never fails, if something doesn't seem right act upon your intuition. It also works for positive factors, if something seems like the right thing, think like Nike and "just do it".  

Love 

L.

X 

Girl Talk // Periods, Smear Tests and Ovarian Cysts // A Personal Account.

Afternoooooon!!!

It is September... Which means we are heading into autumn and I am SO excited about it. It's my favourite time of year and this only means the countdown to Christmas can now begin!!!

I have decided to do a more of a chatty and informative post today for all the girlies out there. As you would of guessed from the title of this post I want to talk bout all things 'woman' which means, all the not-so-nice things that come along with being a lady. I want to chat about things that have happened to me personally and touch on subjects that don't always get discussed by us gals. 

Periods, smear tests and ovarian cysts are some of the things that us as women have to contend with but can freak some people out, especially the mention of the dreaded "smear test". If you are a guy reading this, I suggest you sign off now before you are grossed out! Ha. :) 

Okay, so I have never been pregnant so I cannot add this to the list of things that we have to deal with. But the things I have had to deal with I wanted to share with you to ease your minds slightly if you are worried about the above. 

" I love my period" says no one ever!!

Periods, I have THE WORST in the world I swear. I am on the pill and have been since I think I was sixteen years old. I got put on them originally because I was having really painful monthlies. Now I double up on my pill to try and settle them some more because as I have got older the pain has returned. So, I will have my period, then I will take my one pack and then once that has finished I will then move straight onto the second pack. That way I have 6 periods a year instead of 12. Don't worry the doctor told me it's fine to do that.   

That aside jeeze they are vile little things. The pain I get is horrendous and on the second day I usually feel so ill, I get a headache, cramps, almost pass out and feel very sick. I think a lot of it is to do with the pain and to make matters worse I seem to have occurred what me and my friends call "the bum pain". I won't go into it but if you know what I mean, you will know how excruciating that is. In short, I suffer big time. 

I end up looking even more like Casper than I do now with dark rings around my eyes. I look disgusting. These are the times I thank the lord that I am single. :D

I end up looking like something from the walking dead!!!

Does anyone else have this problem? Mine aren't particularly heavy, just normal but the pain is the big issue. Most of the time I cannot move out of my bed, let alone function. It's a pain in the ass when I am working too. 

I also cannot use Tampax due to the fact I had a reaction to them back in the day so now I have to use the frickin towels which, lets face it aren't the most attractive of things to use. The night ones are like a frickin nappy and they are uncomfortable and I just feel very vulnerable. 

I would like to know if anyone else has had the whole 'reaction' thing like me? 

I don't think it is 'normal' to be in this much pain when I have a period because it has progressively got worse and as most people know, doctors just seem to fob you off. The amount of times I have heard "you just have bad periods" is stupid. If that is the case, I don't know how I am meant to put up with the feeling like I am giving birth each time I have one. (I wouldn't know what it is like to give birth but surely it's about on the same wavelength?)

I NEVER take painkillers. Call me The Hulk.

Onto the those two words that will fill most women with dread and anxiety when they hear them... SMEAR TEST.

Honestly guys, it really isn't as bad as most people make out. Okay I have a pretty good pain tolerance, which is apt especially as 6 times in the year I have to be like The Hulk. So PLEASE don't listen to anyone that says any different. If any of you guys reading this haven't had a smear test yet but are maybe due one this could be of interest to you, especially if you're anxious. 

I cannot stress anymore on how important it is for you to go to your smear test appointment. It can save your life, literally. 

The first time I had mine was when I was 25 and I was really nervous as I didn't know what to expect. Literally it takes seconds and it is done. Obviously, have a lady doctor do it as you will feel more comfortable and will relax you more. She will then use this plastic like duck beak (ha ha) kind of instrument so she can access what ever she needs to access down there. That for me was a little uncomfortable but as soon as that was done she took a swab and that was that. Done. You will feel a little scratch possibly when the doctor takes the sample but that is it. No pain, no torture chamber just a normal procedure.   

For me, the results bothered me more. Unfortunately for me when they did come through they came back as abnormal with mild dyskaryosis. The first thing that ran through my mind was "oh my goodness, do I have cancer?" That is and was not the case. Even so it still put the fear of god into me. It is not something every 25 year old wants to hear *covers eyes*. What my results meant was that I have some small changes to my cells in my cervix which needed to be investigated, just to be on the safe side. 

I freaked out. Not going to lie. I was in tears a lot of the time. I had to go for an appointment at the hospital where I would need to have a colposcopy done. I had to have a sample taken away from my cervix/womb to be tested for any abnormal cells that could develop into something more serious. Again that procedure wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst either.

That wait was horrible, I just wanted it to be okay. And it was!! :) 

My test came back with the results lower than CIN 1 and the abnormal smear test came from some 'acute inflammation' which could be down to anything like irritation from soap. 

I had my other one the other week (as I went back to normal 3 year screening) and it came back normal!!! Yay! I was DREADING those results understandably. Ha. 

The importance of my personal account is ten fold, because what if I hadn't of gone for that test. That COULD OF been something sinister and this story might of  not had a happy ending. 

Ladies. YOU MUST go for you smear tests. Yes it is nerve-wracking but think about the satisfaction that you are gaining just knowing you have done something that could potentially save your life. Not everyone is as lucky as I have been but 9/10 your result will be normal. :)

My hot water bottle is my best friend." A friend in need is a friend indeed". 

Ovarian cysts. They are the devil incarnate let me tell you. I have never ever had one up until recently and by golly I wish I had never encountered one!!! This is saying something. The pain is WORSE than my period pains, I have never felt pain like it. Since having one and talking to people about it a lot of women have said having one of those rupture is worse than labour pain. Well I had one and mine ruptured. It was no fun and games, I was admitted into hospital with mine. And oh, guess what. I am experiencing another one as I type. 

Apparently, they can "just appear" It is nothing you have done and you cannot do anything to stop them occurring. :( 

The first time I had one I came home from work and felt really odd. Ill. This pain in my lower left abdomen started and it would not go. I could not sleep, I couldn't move. There was no relief. 

I almost called in sick at work the next day but I went in thinking it would pass. It didn't, the pain then became excruciating and was coming in waves of like 5 seconds. I almost had to call the ambulance out to me. I didn't know what was going on. The only way I could describe the pain was like a stitch sensation that turned into major stinging and then when it reared up, it felt like I was being stabbed. It is hard to describe pain.

I went to the doctors and he had a feel and he then kindly informed me that he thinks it is definitely an ovarian cyst. I was shocked. What the hell? 

I spent the rest of day in bed at home and I ended up ringing the doctor back saying it was getting unbearable and he ended up sending me to hospital where I was admitted overnight into the gynecology ward. It was horrible. I had to undergo various invasive tests and yes those hurt. And my cyst had ruptured hence the pain. They couldn't see my ovary fully on the scan as an organ got in the way, so they couldn't check if there were others on there. I was also nil by mouth too and I was really hungry. All I kept thinking  about was  my mums brownies!!!

The cravings. Junk. Standard. 

Well obviously there was other cysts because I now have had another rupture. In the same place as before. On top of my period too, so lets just say I have been really ill this week. 

 I am waiting for a scan date to come through as my doctor wants to know what is going on. He mentioned me going to hospital gain but I really didn't want that. All I can say is I DO NOT want another one. I would also like to add, I never take tablets (painkillers) and when I do take any that means I am in a lot of pain. How I didn't take any with the first cyst is beyond me. I did take some this time though. It was BAD.  

This has been a wordy post but I thought it would be something informative to read, you may be going through the same things or you are interested to know about the things I have mentioned? These topics have all included my person accounts and I hope it may help some of you if you are experiencing anything similar. I would love to hear your thoughts and stories. It's nice to know you're not on your own!!! 

L xx