Being Single Vs Being In A Relationship | How Do You Even Meet THE ONE?! Are Dating Apps The Way Forward?

Happy Monday beauties! 

I am totally loving the fact it's Autumn, although what I am totally not loving is that I still have hayfever. I mean c'mon you've had your fun and now it's time to say "bye bye" - I am done. 

I have decided to write more of personal post today as this issue has been bugging me for quite some time now and it's something that all us guys and gals can totally relate to and something that I need to address as I have so many unanswered questions. 

It's no secret to the people that know me that I have been single for quite some time. Admittedly, most of the duration it has been my decision but I have over time noticed a certain pattern occurring when I come into any kind of contact with men - some of which act like boys but that's another issue. 

I have been single for around 7 years which is a heck of  a long time, I mean I am no Kendall Jenner but I am not Gollum either. What's going on? 

I will tell you what's going on... I am doomed to be single for the rest of my life because I for one keep meeting all the wrong kind of guys and there are A LOT of them about. 

My life is like a 'Where's Wally' book, instead of finding Wally, it's more like lets find where the genuine, decent guy is. It's an absolute joke - he's totally got the Harry Potter invisibility cloak on! Like I've said, I have been available for a good while now and I am starting to wonder if there is something actually wrong with me?! 

I don't actually think there is, what the issue is, is that there just aren't enough good eggs about these days. I have failed to meet yet one guy that is totally worth my time and effort. 

Sure, I have been on dating sites where I get inappropriately approached by an 18th century bloke who is old enough to be my ageing Granddad or messaged on Tinder (and lets face it, that app is a breeding ground for immature, sex-crazy people who want a hook up) asking how big my boobs are. I mean really?! And you wonder why you can't get a date?! I however cannot talk because I cannot get one either and I feel I am doing everything right. What is this universe even doing to me?!

Okay, lets be honest, we are all intrigued by Tinder, fact. Whenever I download the crappy little thing I ALWAYS regret it instantly. I constantly swipe to the left as it is rare that anyone will catch my eye. I suppose I can be pretty picky on appearance because if one day I do meet someone and get down and dirty with them I need to be attracted to them at least. That's a given but jeeze man, the amount of guys on there that really appear to be something they are not and  I don't mean physically I mean as a freaking human being.

Recently, I have spoken to a few guys off Tinder and went on a 'date' with one. The date was just more jokes than Kanye West admitting he isn't a descendant of Christ and the guys I have been speaking to have had that many mood swings it has given me whiplash. 

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY? Why, is it a guy will speak to you via say Tinder, either give you their number pretty much straight away or ask for yours, engage in a major amount of conversation that I cannot even keep up with, ring you for 2 1/2 hours and then... Errr where's he gone?! Did he die? Fall off the face of the god damn planet? Just what?!

I totally have the curse of the 2 1/2 hour phone call. I swear that every time a guy calls me it always ends up with us speaking for that amount of time and the phone call goes really well and then I am ghosted forever and evs, amen! Why is this happening, it baffles my head. It has been happening such a lot I am starting to get a complex. 

Then I stop and think, well I composed myself in all correspondence (yes it really is like a freaking business meeting) answered all questions, engaged in the conversation, paid interest in their life and definitely didn't come across as an over excited child. What is their childhood trauma? 

Then it hit me. They are just playing a really stupid game. I will reply to their message on Whatsapp, keeping it all casual and cool and then I see that they will come online - ignore the message and they think I don't understand this concept? 

"DUDE I KNOW YOUR SCENE!"

I've just been ghosted... AGAIN!!! In their heads they think, 'ahhh I can find someone better' , 'I will keep her hanging for a backup plan'. Nah mate, not going to happen. 

The thing is do they not realise that when this happens to us girls we are not as blind sighted as they think? We can see they have come online, we know you are talking to other girls, we know that you don't know that we know you've been on line and blatantly ignored our reply and to top it off they give you this BS excuse about 2 days later as to why they haven't been in touch. Is anyone else sick of having pointless conversations that lead absolutely nowhere?

It really is a laughable situation, too much like hard work for me and most of all once they have ghosted you 90% of the time they ALWAYS come running back when they realise they have been a complete dick and no one wants them. Fact. 

Usually when the whole 'ghosting' game is going on what they don't realise is that I have already cut off and there's no going back. What I don't like is the feeling you're left with and that's not getting closure to a situation. In the long run it really is, "it's not me it's you" (from my POV). 

What I would like to know is, what goes through a guys mind when they feel they have to play the whole fickle ghosting scenario, especially when they were getting on with a girl. What changes? 

I have learnt now not to even give those guys the time of day, the old me would of ranted at them via text, demanding an explanation and girls if this has or is happening to you then don't even waste your beautiful breath and give it to someone who really does deserve it. 

Nobody got time for boys... We want men! Now don't get me wrong, not all men are like this and I am not tarnishing every guy with the same brush because there will be some good eggs out there but the guys I am attracting really are from the same breed of idiots. 

I am officially fly paper for freaks or have 'mug me off' written on my head. 

As a woman, I like to flirt with someone, have great conversations and if a guy cannot hold a decent convo, no matter how good looking they are they instantly become unattractive to me and I get bored and move on. Now for a lot of the guys I talk to, I think the same applies but more in the physical sense. If you're not Skyping naked they don't want to know. Is this really what dating has come to? I am no stranger to sending cheeky underwear shots to guys I have known for a while and have a coherent relationship with but I know where I am with them. 

Now, I won't go anywhere down that road with someone I am genuinely wanting to date because I have done that in the past and it's attracted the wrong kind of attention. Sadly though, when I do get talking to a guy that states that they are 'different' and I am the "exception" it turns out that they are lying out of their asses, after about the second conversation in all the sexual innuendos come to play. BORING GUYS!!! Let me tell you, if the girl has something about her that stuff comes later, what she wants to know is YOU not necessarily what you like in bed. We aren't functioned the same way as you. 

Guaranteed, the guys that overly compliment you, cannot hold a decent conversation and embark on the whole 'you're the exception' are 100% texting 20 other girls, playing hide the purple parsnip with anything that breathes and will most definitely ghost you when they don't get what they want. Simple. See ya!!  

This is just a fraction of my issues with being single but what about being in a relationship? I find both statuses come with their own equal amounts of problems. Being single is very hard work; there's too much game playing, brain space, emotional battery and most of all - time wasting. Relationships can be just the same, wondering if your partner is being faithful, truthful, wanting the same things as you, on par with you career wise, not going out with the boys drinking all the time, wondering why that girl/guy keeps eyeing your other half up. Either or, being single or in a relationship just fills you with anxiety and I for one have had enough of that feeling. 

AND that is why my friends I have been single for so long, it's too much drama. Is it even still a thing that you can even meet 'the one' anymore? Trying to find your soulmate these days is about as easy as trying to get Phoebe's song famous Smelly Cat a new home. Lets face it, you 100% will not find 'the one' on a dating app that's fo'sure and if you do, please teach me this witchcraft. Night's out won't do it either, so all in all I am doomed.

Let's just break it down into points...

Being single

Pros: 

. Own space, can eat what you want, dress how you want, wear as much makeup as you want, go out with the girls, eye up men and not get in trouble for it.

. Wear no makeup and look like death but it's okay you have no one to look nice for. Ha.

. Go on dates 

.Don't have to shave as often - it's okay it's almost winter we need the extra warmth. 

. Binge watch Netflix with a crap tonne of junk food and not feel even a little bit ashamed. 

. No guilt on what you post on social media. You want to show those abs girls, you freaking do it!

. No anxiety of whether you're being cheated on.

.More money in your pocket guys/girls! 

. You get ALL of the bed and covers! 

. That last slice of pizza is yours. 

. Flirting is permitted. 

. Your Halloween costume isn't a collaboration. No more 'you're his bread to his sausage'. 

. Regain your independence.   

Cons: 

. No one to cuddle up to.

.No regular sexy times. 

.Christmas/Halloween/Bonfire night loneliness. 

. No romantic gestures. 

. No one to play with your hair and bring you sympathy food when you're hungover. 

Being in a relationship

Pros: 

. Always having someone there cuddle up to - man hugs are the best.

. Sex on tap

. Having someone to go with you to events or being around to enjoy the festivities. 

.  A vital part to the picture if you want to start a family.

. Someone to have a future with.

. Someone to cook you food and make you feel better when you're poorly.

. Have THAT connection with someone

.Finding 'the one'. 

Cons: 

. Sex with the same person, potentially, forever! 

. Not as independent. 

. Being questioned on your choices. 

. Having to explain yourself to someone. 

. Lack of space.

. Anxiety on whether they are staying faithful. 

.Who are they with if they aren't with you?

.They take the last slice of pizza.

.Having to always be 'on point'.

. Having to always be doing something.

.Have no money.

.Spending money on presents.

. Working hard on keeping the relationship 'alive'. 

. Having to act like your partners mother - that's a deal breaker.

After looking through that list of some of the things I could think of, I actually think it's a lot easier being single in this day and age than being in a relationship. Society puts too much pressure on us singletons to have children and get married. I want both of those things but only when the right person comes along. I am certainty not going to be settling down with someone who is a bad egg just because I am on a time scale. I deserve a lot better than what I am being presented with. 

And hey, if that person doesn't come along, I am fine with that, I will just have a test tube baby and do it my own way. Ha. 

I chose to speak about this topic as I think a lot of people can relate to the subject as I cannot be the only person having to deal with this nonsense?! Let me know in the comments!

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Until next time...

L 

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